Even good people sometimes have enemies. And you know what good people do when their enemies have birthdays, get married or defeat their enemy? We give them gifts. Good gifts. So, here are 6 options for the perfect gift for your enemy.
1. A Turtle
Forget puppies and kittens. Turtles are the worst: they live to be 300 years old, they can’t play fetch and if you give on to your enemy, it’ll become family heirloom, passed from one generation to the next – becoming a multigenerational spiral of hate and dispisesmént (probably not a word).
2. A Used Rubber Glove
Wrap it up in a pretty box, and you’re set. What’s worse than knowing what you did with that glove? Yeah, that’s right. Not knowing. Maybe draw a winking emoji in the card.
3. A Worst Comic Strip Print
At only $25 a pop, a Johannes Print is the perfect gift for your enemy. It comes with a certificate of authenticity in an inconspicuous brown envelope. Looking for a Mother’s Day Gift? Don’t buy this one, please.
4. A Play Drum Set
Have you seen the movie Birdman? It’s great. Great percussions. Buy your enemy a play drum set, especially if they have kids. They’ll love it.
Give your enemies nothing. Even though this might sound too obvious, the trick here is to make it look like you’re giving them something, only to let them down, just like their papa used to. Put nothing in a box, a letter or similar, and send it over with a note saying: “Don’t use everything at once.”
6. Head & Shoulders Shampoo: Maxi Size
This last one is a special one for those of us who have a real enemy. Buy a whole box of dandruff shampoo and make a big show of giving it to your enemy. Think big. Fireworks, barbershop quartets… BOOM!
Hope you got some ideas for good gifts for the worst people from this article! Let me know which one you chose in the comments below!